Panoptical Orpheus, the world renowned pedophile fighter, who has recently come to Sierra Madre, CA to hunt the hordes of pedophiles that ravage this town, recently discovered that, for some reason- pedophiles are nearly non-existent here, and those who do are very well controlled by the sooper seekrit meachanisms of predictive ponerlogy and a massive pedophile entrapment engine called “The NSA and Five Eyes collaboration with Google, Palantir databases that monitor, surveill, suggest, and deploy Artificial Intelligence on targeted persons everywhere, and other seekrit stuff.”.

And while occasionally, other things crop up-like the recent discovery that one of our local police officers from Pasadena, CA, was possibly stashing truck-loads of semi-automatic weapons  here, we have faith that it was probably to keep the children safe from pedophiles-which as we know by now, ARE EVERYWHERE!!

I will not give my opinion or act as judge and jury in regards to this officer of the law being caught with TRUCKLOADS of semi-automatic weapons, because that would be un-American, but I will just note that the headlines are a bit opposite of what one might think headlines like this should be- this one nearly makes it sound like there is a war on cops:

Cop [s]* in the Crosshairs

*I added that asterisk to emphasize that there is clearly a WAR ON COPS!!!  And that they are in the crosshairs, and I advise all the good citizens of our town to trust the town council, and other official sources, as this incident s investigated. No doubt, we will find that these guns were to hunt the armies and platoons full of pedophiles that are plaguing our town.